ADH-ME

adhd diagnosis stood on tiny train tracks in Vietnam

Shouout to one of my bestie James, for coming out with this phrase on one of our many walks, love you. 

A year before I was diagnosed with ADHD, I had no idea what it was, and six months before that, it had never once crossed my mind that I could have it. It all began with my friend Jane reaching out to me and telling me that I needed to check out this questionnaire she had been sent. It was used to get an idea of how a persons mind worked, to determine the likelihood that they had ADHD. 

Reading those eight pages changed my life. And I really mean it. It set me on a path of deep understanding and compassion for myself. Where previously I had spent the majority of my 32 years so frustrated by my struggles.

  • Why can’t you start a task, until the last minute?
  • Why can’t you stay focused in classes that don’t interest you?
  • Why does it physically hurt you, and make you want to run away, and burn it all down, when people give you constructive feedback?
  • Why can’t you stay in a job for more than a year?
  • Why can you feel suddenly overstimulated in an environment that you were loving, 5 minutes ago?
  • Why are you so “all or nothing” about things?

I could go on.

Feeling Seen

Over the next few weeks, I accepted that I probably did have ADHD, and I jumped head first into all the Youtube videos, and Instagram accounts I could get my hungry little mitts on. Some might even say I hyperfocused. Wink, wink. A little ADHD humour for you. I also reached out to my doctor to get the ball rolling about seeking a diagnosis. I have to say that I was quite lucky with how fast I was able to be diagnosed. I did it through NHS Right to Choose, you still have to be referred by your doctor, but then you pick an independent body to assess you. That way youre not clogging up the system as much for others. When I was diganosed, I think the NHS waiting time was around 2 years. 

What if I don’t

I remember waiting for my psychiatrist to start our zoom call, and suddenly being incredibly nervous, for the last 6 months I had become more and more certain that I had ADHD, I had made peace with that. Suddenly I was so scared of him saying I didn’t, that would mean I was back to square one. Back to feeling alone, and confused. But to my relief he said almost immediately, “You’ve definitely got ADHD, you have actually got some of the highest scores I have seen in a while

Well we do aim to please, and if we’re gonna do something, its all or nothing at all. He later explained that my self deprecating humour and perfectionist procrastination were some top notch ADHD traits. 5 point to Gryffindor to meeee!

 

 

 

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