A Constant State of Distraction

A constant state of distraction ADHD written inside a drawing of a head, surrounded by squiggly lines.

For as long as I can remember I have been something of a tornado. A spinning vortex of bruised limbs, messy ponytails, constant reminders going off on my phone, and hundreds of unfinished, forgotten business ventures. I grew up thinking this was just who I was, a part of my charm, and I still do believe this to a degree. But there were also days of horribly self critical thoughts, tonnes of shame on my shoulders, and the sadness of accepting that maybe, I would always feel a bit unfinished, tired and incapable. It never occurred to me that these struggles would all fall under the umbrella of ADHD.

You see about a year ago a friend came to me who was going through an ADHD diagnosis. She told me I should probably read the questionnaire she had been given. Honestly it was like reading a list of all the little ka-winky-dinks of my life. Do you struggle to start tasks, do you leave things to the very last minute, do you have low self esteem, do you find it hard to stay focused on things that don’t interest you, were you told as a kid that if you just stopped daydreaming you would be an A* student, do you take rejection way too personally, but sometimes seek out confrontation to make you feel more alive. 90% of those attributes were a big fat hell yes from me.

Since that day I have felt oddly safe in my skin, understanding this is how I am wired. Now when feelings of shame come up about my inability to put the clothes away, get out of bed in time for breakfast, or stay in a job that doesn’t inspire me. I am instead left feeling neutral, accepting, and confident that everything will be ok.

Forgotten Treasures

Life with ADHD can be hard, I have often felt like I am trying to cram a square peg into a circle shaped world. However, if I didn’t have it I would never have this daft anecdote to share with you.

I just found myself laughing hysterically at the contents of my own handbag. After starting to read Gabor Mate’s book “Scattered Minds” (a hard hitting book on ADHD), I was rummaging in my bag for a list I had scribbled down, and there next to my book about my gorgeous (sometimes) forgetful mind, was the packet of leftover ham I was meant to have for lunch. 

Yes it can be hard, and an emotional rollercoaster. But it can also be a life of discovery, whether that’s a new job, or a new country, or maybe just a forgotten snack.

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